Lawn Bowls Pennants.
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Mingara No 6 Pennants side, I'm third player from the left

 

Anyone for Pennants ?

"How dy'a go today mate?", said the cabbie to the pennants team bowler.
In a hoarse whisper; barely audible, as though he found speaking difficult, the passenger answered, "We got white-washed'."Bad as that eh?,what position did you play?".
"I was lead," was the quiet reply.
"How did you play yourself?."
"I put my first six bowls in the ditch, and the next six went out of bounds".
"Struth", the cabbie muttered, "If I played as badly as that I'd cut my flamin' throat."
Came the whispered response, "I have".

Toms Nightmare

Tom dreamed of Pennants the other night,
And woke up in a terrible fright,
For he found that the selectors three,
Had picked him as a number 3.
He's never been a three before,
He's been lucky to be in the four.
But now selected for our top Pennant team,
This was the climax of his bowling dream.
The selectors have it right at last,
We'll soon have a Pennant on our mast.

 

A bad day

He had played second in his first pennants game and looked rather sad after the
match. One of his mates at the bar commiserated, "Were you a bit off today?"
. He nodded his head in agreement and told a sorry tale.

When I stepped onto the mat I put my first bowl into the ditch, then was six yards short with my second. On the next end I knocked the opposition in for another shot with my first bowl and niggled my own leaders shot bowl off with my second.

On the third end I put down an Irish draw shot,(wrong bias), and from then on I started to go bad.

Barman, another schooner please.

Who am I ?

I'm a Number One Bowler, and a Prima Donna too,
And I won't be told, where to play, by blokes without a clue,
I'm simply just the greatest one to ever roll a bowl,
And when the pennant teams are picked, I want the starring role

Now, the Chairman of Selectors, he said to ME one day,
We're gonna play you in the lead; like bloody hell I say,
Then later on he winked at me and very slyly beckoned,
There's been a change of plans he said, we're gonna play you second.

I let him know he's got a nerve, and said, "Now look here Bub,
If you can't appreciate my skill, I'll find another club".
So they hold a Special Meeting and pick me number three,
But I make it pretty plain to them, that's no bloody good to ME.

Another conference then takes place and after all the fun,
They put me where I should have been, a Skipper Number One.
I'm slightly mollified by now and though Skippers get the plums,
It's still beneath my dignity........to play with all you BUMS......

 

Heavenly Bowls

Pat requested his Church to check if they played bowls in Heaven.
After a week the Father approached Pat with the answer.
He said, "I have good news and bad news".
Pat said, "Tell me the good news first".
The father said, "The good news is that they do play bowls in Heaven".
"What's the bad news ?', said Pat.
The Father said, "Well Pat, the word is out that your name is down for the
No. 6 Pennants side for next Saturday"

Pennant Call

They beat their breasts and cried out loud,
As they faced the northern wall,
Where the selectors had placed the 'Pennant teams'
On the notice board was their call.
There were some that swore and some that cried,
And some who stood and muttered
Some were proud and some were coy,
And others merely stuttered.
There were voices raised in anger,
Shrill screams split the air,
There were those who didn't say a thing,
Because they really didn't care.
" I won't play with him", one said,
"He's a bloody hopeless skip."
And one who very quietly said,
"It's time I took my trip."
There were many self celebrations,
There were lot's of "bloody hell's"
There wasn't very many who said the selectors had done well.
The players knew who should be there,
They knew who to pick,
Just ask them when you hear them say,
"That selector is a $$##@@!".
Each year the tears get deeper,
As on the floor they fall,
From those who stand in anguish
"BEFORE THE NORTHERN WALL"