of a new Bowler
contemplated playing bowls,I knew not what to do.
About how to enter a game, I didn't have a clue.
I arrived in time for my first game, I think they
called it fours.
Took all the bowls out of my bag, I didn't know
The other guys explained to me, "You've made
a silly blue."
I said, "what's the point of having four if
you're only using two."
whispered in my ear, "In time you'll work it
But here's a thing you'll learn right now, it's
up to you to shout."
I rushed into the bar and yelled, "Eight
pots of beer, I think,
You'd better make it fourex, is it the stuff they
I brought the tray back to the green and handed
The coin was tossed, the mat went down, my coin
was never found.
You only had to
buy two drinks you stupid bloody cluck."
"You should have told me sooner pal, I
could've saved ten bucks."
We all shook hands, the day was fine, the green
was running fast,
"I've never played this game before, do you
mind if I go last?"
The skipper looked me up and down, he began to
fear the worst,
"If your a novice bowler mate, it's best if
you go first."
I took a run up
to the mat as nervous as could be,
It hit his foot, ran up his leg, rebounding off
"You're just a little quick my son", i
saw my skipper mime,
"You've got another bowl mate, try underarm
My team mates tried to counsel me, "Calm
down, you'll get the ticket."
I've just turned sixty two ," I said,
"and just retired from cricket."
If I played a
bowl that fell well short the skip went off his
But when he did a similar thing, he was trying to
play a blocker.
If I played a bowl well passed the head, he
said,"You'll get the knack."
If the skip did the same as me, "It's in
case they trail the jack."
"Now listen old son", he said, his face
was stern and gritty,
"Your job in this game of bowls is drawing
to the kitty".
I apologised for
my mistakes and took in what he said,
"I'm sorry Mr Skipper, sir, I must have lost
My first attempt at playing bowls was really
quits a farce,
The skipper kept on telling me, "You've got
to take some grass".
I stood and watched the other bloke as he took
his turn to bowl,
It was then I learnt that taking grass was not
the sort you roll.
I took my stance
upon the mat, "I've got good grass I
But the bowl turned the other way and drew shot
on next doors rink.
I remembered reading a book, how to sort my bias
The little ring to the inside, now I know what
The game progressed, we had a ball, I didn't keep
I guess you lose some interest when you
continually drop a four.
But we made a
mighty comeback, our team was on the mend,
The score was locked at 20 all as we began the
The skipper pulled us all aside and with a cheeky
Said, "Don't know how you blokes feel, but
I'm out here to win".
He glared me sternly in the eye, his steely glare
could cut yer,
My bowl went down, "You beauty mate, a
resting bloody toucher".
I tried in vain
to hide my glee, I think my bowls a winner,
and the skip was turning cartwheels screaming,
"This guy is no beginner"
Although they tried to shift my bowl with shots
of no real class,
Our skip was keeping well away by taking heaps of
My bowl stayed there, we won the match and ambled
off the green,
And i knew it was the greatest piece of ass this
game as ever seen.
We talked about
it afterwards, how we won by just one shot,
But the best time came when all those blokes
shouted back that bloody pot.
I took time out to find a coach who taught me by
I'm pleased to say I've learned a lot and now I
bowl much better.
The years have passed, I'm hooked on bowls,
though not achieving fame,
I just tell all and sundry, how I won that bloody
Don't let your opponent rattle you.
made to love and kiss,
and some are mighty pretty,
But best of all, I'll tell you this,
Is kissing little Kitty.
A good skip can
control his ship.
A good lead is always a need.
A bowl on the pitch is worth two in the ditch.
a long length requires more strength.
A rink game is a think game.
A back bowl may become a jack bowl.
A bowl much short will count for nought.
A chalk on your wood proves your bowling is good.
A certain one to you is better than a risky two.
A toucher on the jack; a couple at the back.
A good draw shot will win a lot.
Getting the shot matters a lot.
It's a great pleasure to win a close measure.